Contemplation
by The 2D Ninja
Summary: Roy and Riza are both in the hospital after fighting the gold-toothed doctor. There, they both begin to contemplate their feelings for each other. Warning: Contains spoilers for end of anime. rated T just to be safe, Royai implied.


A/N: My first fanfic, so go easy on me. This contains heavy spoilers for the ending of the anime (Brotherhood). I advise that only those who have finished the entire anime to continue reading. Comments and constructive criticism always welcome. Rated T just to be safe. ;) As much as I may wish, I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist or any of the characters.

* * *

_"I told you. We have run out of time."  
A split second afterwards, came a noise that Roy was all to familiar with. The gruesome sound of metal slicing flesh, blood spilling endlessly from the wound.  
It took him only a moment to realize who it had come from. His pupils shrank to the size of pins, his mouth falling open in a silent gasp. '_Oh God, no...'_  
"Lieutenant!" He cried out, struggling against the two men that were retraining him.  
"Lieutenant... Lieutenant! Dammit, dammit! Lieutenant!" He kept repeating over and over as he watched her collapse to the ground.  
He would never forget the pained look of astonishment on her face as she crumbled or the quiet gurgle that slipped past her bloody lips.  
He couldn't keep the agony out of his voice as he continued to call for Hawkeye, watching in horror as the slowly forming pool of blood around her was growing dangerously large..._

Roy Mustang sat bolt upright in bed with a ragged gasp. The rough hospital sheets were soaked with sweat, the thin blanket in a heap at the end of the bed - obviously kicked there amidst the Colonel's thrashing. He glanced around in almost hysteria, dazed by the darkness that surrounded him and momentarily forgetting where he was. Then, piece by piece, the events of the days before slowly flooded back, and Mustang let out a shaky sigh and flopped back against the pillow. _'That's right,_' he thought resentfully, _'I'm blind now.'_

"Colonel?" A soft voice beside him caused him to jump.  
"I-I'm sorry sir. I didn't mean to startle you."  
He recognized the voice of his First Lieutenant. He breathed out in relief, the sound of her voice relaxing him.  
"It's alright, Lieutenant." Mustang murmured, unable to keep the exhaustion from his voice. "What time is it?"  
"Around 0700, sir."  
Mustang exhaled loudly. "That good." He waited a few seconds before saying, "How are you feeling today, Lieutenant?"  
He was surprised when a soft laugh came from Hawkeye's direction. "I should be asking you that, sir." Mustang could hear the smile in her voice, but it didn't last long, quickly being replaced by her serious tone. "Nightmares again, sir?"  
Mustang nodded wordlessly, shuddering as remnants of his dream flashed in front of his eyelids._ 'The blood. Oh God, all that blood...'_

"Might I ask what it was about?" Hawkeye's words drew him back to the present. Mustang waited a long time before replying, as if contemplating whether or not to tell her the truth.  
"Er... it was about you, Lieutenant." He replied cautiously. "When you almost died-" Mustang's voice faltered on the last word and he broke off.  
"I'm sorry."  
"For what, Lieutenant?"  
Hawkeye paused for a second.  
"For... causing you pain, sir."  
Mustang felt tears spring to his eyes, and he quickly turned his head away.  
"I... It's alright, really. I am just as guilty, Lieutenant."  
"I suppose so."  
"Then I'm sorry."

The Colonel heard Hawkeye snort loudly.  
"Why are you laughing, Lieutenant?" Mustang asked a little defensively.  
It took her a moment to reply, as if she were thinking. "Because we are the most pathetic things I have ever seen."  
Mustang grunted in agreement and they fell into silence. Mustang's thoughts swirled in his head like a storm.  
_'I don't know what I would've done if I had lost her.' _He thought about it for a moment. _'Killed myself, probably.'  
_His thoughts surprised him. Would he really end his life if Hawkeye died?

But he already knew the answer to that. Of course he would. He couldn't live without her.  
Hawkeye then shattered the silence. "The doctor said we could leave tomorrow." It was obvious she wanted to change the subject.  
But Mustang, still lost in his mind, only managed a small _'huh'_ in reply.  
How did he feel about the Lieutenant? Had their relationship become more than simply subordinate and commander?  
Of course it had. He knew all along how he felt towards her.  
_'I... love you, Lieutenant.'  
_The words sounded silly in his head; he couldn't imagine himself saying them to her face.  
"What was that, sir?"  
Mustang's heart stopped. Had he really spoken out loud?  
"N-nothing, Lieutenant." He stammered, flushing so red he could probably stop traffic.  
"You're blushing, sir."  
She was laughing at him again.  
Of course, he denied it, but he could tell by her quiet snickers that she didn't believe him.

Desperate, Mustang moved to another topic, the first one to pop into his head.  
"It just occurred to me that the last thing I saw before going blind was you bleeding to death, Lieutenant."  
"Huh."  
Roy, hearing the pain in her voice, instantly regretted his words.

Hastily, he tired to recover.  
"That's why I hope to get my sight back." He said quickly. "That way, I can see your face again."  
Hawkeye was silent for a very long time. For awhile, he wasn't sure if she would even answer.  
Mustang squirmed uncomfortably in the hospital bed, waiting for her to speak.  
Finally, Hawkeye murmured quietly,  
"All we can do it hope."

Later that night, Hawkeye couldn't sleep. She simply lied in her bed, listening intently to the sound of the Colonel's shallow breathing, hoping it would help her drift off. But her mind was racing with everything that happened that day. The Colonel had said it, the three words they silently vowed to never say aloud. Riza sighed, though it was a barely a breath.  
She shifted in the bed so that she could see Mustang.  
It was then when she noticed how familiar she was with the Colonel's face.  
The curve of his jaw, his mess of black hair, the crooked shape of his nose, the way his eyelashes casted jagged shadows across his cheeks as he slept.  
_'He's beautiful.'_

The sudden thought scared her and made her wonder how she truly felt about her commanding officer.  
She though back to how she felt when she thought that Lust had killed the Colonel, or more recently when he had vanished after being forced to do a human transmutation. The feeling like she was suffocating, as if her world was crumbling down around her. She lost the will to live, and all life in her eyes vanished.  
And then, when she learned he was alive, the sheer force of relief had been so overwhelming that it brought her to tears.

She felt responsible for the Colonel losing his sight, somehow. If she hadn't been caught by the golden-toothed doctor's men, Roy may have not been forced to do a human transmutation.  
Now that he was blind, however, Riza felt as helpless as ever. Just knowing that she couldn't fix his eyesight made her feel useless. So she made it her duty to care for him for the rest of both their lives, no matter the cost. She would try her best to make the Colonel's life easy, even if it meant making her life harder.  
Hawkeye sighed again, louder this time, thoroughly exasperated with herself.  
_'Why am I so stubborn? Why am I so protective over the Colonel?'  
_She already had the answer. Perhaps it was due to the fact that she knew the Colonel back when he was simply Roy, or maybe it was because she literally spent every day with him. But she knew that her feelings towards him had gone beyond simply subordinate and commander.

_'Why do you keep lying to yourself?' _She demanded silently, a flower of anger blooming in her chest. _'What are you so scared of? What is there left to lose?'  
_She grudgingly admitted that her subconscious was right. She really had nothing left in the world - except him._  
_Riza's gaze fell on the silhouette of Mustang's body in the bed a few feet away. She longed to reach out and touch him, but she held back.  
Instead, she simply whispered into the darkness,

"I love you, too."

_Fin._


End file.
